Dear Jenny Rei,
Once upon a time, there was a girl who believes in magic and embarked on a journey to learn how to cast it. Little did she know that its not easy to obtain such dangerous and treacherous ability. Despite all that,the girl still went and risked everything. Pushing her to go forward are the two lovely little angels whose always in her thoughts and in the deepest part of her being and is equivalent to the world for her.
In one of her adventure, she met a rather remarkable guy. He swept her off her feet in an instant. She knew instantly that she's falling really really hard in an endless nothingness and scaringly felt that no one can save her. But then, oddly enough, even knowing all the risk, for once in her life she felt truly happy.
It may be not enough for him or maybe others can perceived it as plain nonsense, she always sees to it that she's doing the best she could do for the man she love. Most of the time misunderstood, often ignored and mistreated, but the girl remains loyal and faithful to her guy. Her love for him is ridiculously unconditional that others don't and cannot understand. To them, she's just a hopeless girl and idiotic, moronic, retarded and worthless girl who believes in non-existent and superficial things and beliefs such as magic.
It is an unfavorable situation indeed to live in a world where no one believes in you and no one takes you seriously even just a bit. Amazingly and shockingly, the girl was undaunted by the whole world's discrimination. Her insights are as simple as this: her world is HER MAN so every one else means nothing to her and can't affect her in any way. True to her rather twisted belief, she lived through the harsh world happily enough for her to appreciate the good things in life.
People may view her as a person with no confidence, no self-esteem, no self-respect and self-proclaimed worthless because she is open and sometimes vocal about her so-called imperfections. And its rather funny how she can insult herself just as easy as that without feeling remorse towards herself. Quite honestly and truly dementedly, she felt proud being all that horrible traits mentioned above. She believes that she's happier being like all that than those acting high and mighty people who's just trying hard to pretend that they are fine and in denial of their own horrible traits.
For her, being a simpleton is a trait that everyone misunderstood and misconcepted, not to mention taken for granted. For her, being simple is having the ability to be happy about small things. And we all agree that simple things can occur anytime anywhere compared to big things that most of the time seasonal and hard to achieve. So she therefore conclude, she can be happy a hundred thousand more times than those who only recognized big things. But don't get her wrong, she's not saying that appreciating big things only are bad. She actually thinks that being able to be happy on simple things are a gift and not an inborn nor natural nor general trait that everyone can have. And so, that explains her feeling somewhat blessed to have that kind of gift. And its what helps her go through rough times.
Sadly though, there are times that some people take her for granted and cause her emotional pain. And since simple things can make her feeling happy, those too can make her feel sad. Its still subject for discussion whether her being ridiculously emotional and sensitively intuitive are a gift or a curse. She can appreciate most, if not all, of God's creation and funny as it may sound, she even consider herself having a good-natured heart.
But as heartbreakingly as it is, the one person she loved the most second to her family was the one who ruthlessly chopped her poor heart into really really really small pieces that it can literally passed through a needle. Nah, he did not caused it at one swing. His supreme scheming talent in concealing the truth teamed up with his never-failing charisma and his superb skill and natural way of words, among others, all contributed to her decade-long suffering. Exaggerated? I silently wished so, so I could already stop the small yet hundreds of needle-pricking feel at my heart.
I'm not sure if anyone believes this, but, she have read somewhere that being born under the sign of Cancer has a rather unique yet scary personal traits. She's one of the cancerian type that said to be a "natural psychic". Most of the time, whenever she's unsure about something (her gift works well with the man she loves) or something's bugging her (most of the time about illicit affairs) and asks about it, she could already guessed the answer. How does it work, you may ask? I think the moment she finds anything suspicious, her heart will tugged away against her ribs. And that would confirm her suspicion (works well with his "other" woman and/or gifts from them).
And sometimes, it works a bit scary. Like she instantly would have an idea what happened to that certain object or she can easily picture a scenario of what happened (again, this particular vision only has experienced working against the man she loves). There are times that she's actually thinking whether its a gift or a curse. Of course, its good to have a heads up with something, but everytime the man she dearly loves is involved, learning about the truth was never easy to accept and thus marks the countdown to her miserable than miserable marriage (yes! they did got married). Her only silent wish is for at least learning about the truth from him. Sure its painful as hell but for her, that would at least lessen the suffering a bit knowing he somehow recognized that what he did was wrong thus coming clean to her.
But to her dismay and disappointment and frustration, the truth always comes in a different timing and from different lips and sometimes just a pathetic slip of the wretched tongue (lolz). If only he told her right on that he was having an affair, then she can deal with it in time. But having an affair and hiding and lying to her about it deals double if not triple effect of the pain.
Nah, not in the mood to tell the story in detail. So to make the decade-long horrible terrible frustrating awful insane story semi-short, he did not only cheat on her over and over and over and over (and this could go on) he even lied to her for her to had enough for me to last her a lifetime. You may think what kind of a monster would do that to the same girl. Well, I think its not actually entirely his fault. Part of the blame were to give to the girl too.
Why? I believe its because if she hadn't allow the situations to get worst, he wouldn't had the chance to do it to her. If only she retaliated the third or fourth time, because as they say "once is enough, two is too much, thrice is ridiculous", it wouldn't gotten over 50 for the cheating and like hundred million for the lies. Actually, she had her share of mistakes too. She, too, did cheat on him aswell pretty much with a few months interval. She did it though with the internal inputs from him and they are scheming together during those times.
Then eventually, voila! The olympic nonsense battle of "who's worthless than thou" started and it hailed the two contestants for almost two decades now.
Ah wells, I think that's life. Everyone has their own issues and its just up to the individual how to handle their own problems.
