to dream the impossible dream..

Dear Jenny Rei,

I know right?  It spells tragedy with capital ”T”.

One starry night, about ages and a half ago, when I asked the falling star na sana kami na, I never would’ve thought it would be like this.  Never would’ve imagined it would be this tragic.  I must’ve been really really evil in my past life to deserve this kind of marriage situations.  It’s really sad..  Heartbreaking beyond compare..

How is it that the most common things between couples are the hardest and almost impossible for me to achieve?  Am I really a bitch?  Do I really not deserve a normal marriage?  It never fails to bring me to tears whenever I think about those simple things that seem unreachable for me.  So many things had happened.  Sometimes it surprised me how come I’m still alive.

Honestly, I know I’m a good woman.  I know I really am..  I really can’t comprehend why did I end up so messed up and why no one seems to really care about me..  Most men say they do but they’re only after bedding me.  Someone I knew says he does but keeps on hurting and hurting and hurting me that I’m already on my stomach lying flat in the mud but isn’t contented yet and seems he’s having a good time that he even stepped and jumped and danced at the back of my head just to make sure I’m buried deep and unable to recover.

What’s so wrong about wanting a normal marriage?  A normal couple without any third parties whatsoever.  A couple who are friends and connected in any social network.  A couple who knew the direct line in each other’s offices.  A couple that is both registered in cellphone finder.  A couple who knew the PIN of each other’s ATM.  A couple who show each other’s payslip.  A couple who is known and friends with each other’s officemates.

Am I asking for too much?  What’s so wrong about making it happen?